One of the many, many wishes of a lot of Autistic children’s parents is to hear their child’s voice. In contrast, there are many parents who would like to hear silence. Some children on the spectrum are always talking. They talk so much and get so excited about everything that you just can’t help but get excited too. They just open their mouths and melt your heart completely! Then, on the other end of the scale is the child who is completely silent; the child that appears to the world to be ignorant and a brat because they don’t acknowledge the person speaking to them. I wonder if those people ever consider that the child actually can’t and doesn’t know how to reply. Then there are the children who have some speech; they are verbal, can’t communicate all that well with people or uphold a conversation but can recite the entire script of their favourite movie without missing a beat. It truly is one of the saddest moments of a parent’s life when they realise that they may never hear their child’s voice, never to hear the songs we all learned as children and wanted to teach our own, never to hear from them the spoken words “I love you”.
 
Speech happens on so many levels for children on the spectrum. As parents we quickly learn to know our children and look for the ‘signs’ that they’re hungry or thirsty or have some other need. Actually, it all pretty much follows on from when they’re babies and we look after their every need. In some cases it’s very much like having a baby to look after but in others; life is a little easier. A number of children will ‘talk’ using other means. Sign language is very much the norm in autie land with simple signing helping children to communicate but that takes time to learn as well so some children talk in other ways. Some may go to a fridge and hit it… you know they’re hungry. Some may hand you a cup… you know they’re thirsty. Many children need other things like a pillow or a special toy and depending on what their routine is you know what it is that they want (they’ll get these things and carry them around). Some children use what’s known as PECS (pictures) to show you what they want. They do talk if people are willing to use a different way of listening.
 
Some children will look at you and you know within your heart that the way they’re looking is saying ‘I love you’. Some will look at specific things and you know that’s what they want. Some children really stress over not being able to tell you what they want with words and you can bet you know they’re frustrated! Then, let’s face it… we ALL know by looking at someone if they’re angry or not… that look is the same in every language.



Then there is something called Echolalia. Echolalia is one of the first known symptoms of autism. Just as you know a toddler repeats your words, a child with autism uses it to help learn to communicate. It can be very frustrating at times when a child follows you around all day and repeats everything you say but it’s a really good way of the child learning language as we know it. It may feel like your child is like a stuck record and will never change and will repeat over and over again but what’s happening is that it’s actually taking time for your child to learn this new phase of communication. Your child is acquiring the language they need for the future. For instance you say the word table, you know what it means, what it is and by repeating the word your child learns it too, just the same as for every other word your child repeats. Your child is learning to be a part of your world with every word they repeat. We often wish we could understand their world and be a part of what ever is going on inside their heads so we know how to talk with them and have them understand us as much as we want to understand them; well by repeating your words your child is learning to be a part of your world on a level they previously hadn’t been able to get to. Echolalia isn’t a bad thing. Your child is learning from you on a level we hadn’t considered before and gaining the steps to a brighter future.
 
No matter what they want, a child on the spectrum will, in time, learn their own way of letting you know. It’s not an easy path and many will, with the aid of speech therapy, be able to bring spoken words into their world although many will not. While the silence may feel like it’s deafening there are times it can also feel like it’s screaming a million things at you.
 
To have a silent child doesn’t mean you have a child who doesn’t want to talk to you, it just means they’re learning to communicate with your world and you’re on the journey of learning a new way to listen to theirs.